Yes, this is for sale.

Thanks to Randy Pausch, My Childhood Dreams Seem Very Reachable

Randy Pausch's last lecture at Carnegie Mellon was inspiring. Life didn't pass him by because he tried, tried, tried and loved brick walls. Even though he died too young, he accomplished most of his childhood dreams. Most. That's insane. I've accomplished two. I know this because, after watching his lecture, I rooted around for my childhood dreams and found them in a file labeled, "Funny or Interesting." My childhood dreams were creatively called, "99 Things To Do Before I Die," and were written at age 13 on two stapled pages of college-ruled paper. The two I accomplished--in no particular order: 3) "Take a day off and eat everything that's been told bad for me," and 23) "Go to a big city and get lost." What's especially uninspiring, is that when I got lost in big cities or did nothing all day but swallow cookies, chips, and beer, I had no idea I was fulfilling childhood dreams. 

So, could I be told I have terminal cancer right now and feel as though I gave this world a good spin? No. I still have to, for example, : 19) "Go scuba diving," 24) "Ski bum for a week or two," 71) "Cut and Dye my Hair" 14) "Find Something Amazing!!!", and 84) "Ride an Elephant, Ostrich, and Camel." 

Magnitude 5.4 Earthquake Shakes Los Angeles

The quake that rattled Los Angeles at 11:42 am was not fun. I came home to the picture you see on your left -- plus some spoons that I don't remember putting on the edge of the sink. I'm still waiting out the 24-hour period when the 5 % chance that this quake was just a precursor to the Big One becomes a 1 % chance. I was working during the quake, and at first, I felt a slight rumble. That was followed by what can best be described as a gentle, erratic rocking. It was as if the house I was in was trying to stand up in its first pair of roller skates. Actually, maybe that's kinda cute. Maybe I'm still waiting for that near-universal instinct to call loved ones to kick in.

Sorry, Haiku

Melissa Etheridge's Failed Haiku

I wanna come all 

over your window--I'll be

home soon as I'm done.

Girl I Have a Crush On

Danced in front of me, 

hit my knee and said "Sorry"

like she missed the trash.

The United States Vs. The American Indian

"It doesn't matter

how long you've been parking here,

we have to tow you.

We're putting up signs

tomorrow, and your car will be

in the museum."

If A=B, and B=C, Then A=C

I think of you, and 

you don't think of me at all.

It's getting creepy.

Los Angeles International Airport Christmas Tally

1 man in snowflake 

sweater, 2 women wearing

Rudolph pins. Only

1 woman wearing 

antlers. Does she take them off

when in the bathroom?